Eeeerpik rapp battelz of Historyyyy
When I was high up on the mountain, God revealed the truths of the earth,
But he never mentioned a dumbass Pothead.
It takes nine apples to cheer up your ass.
You took the App out of Apples and just added less.
You need to stop breakin' into farms and creepin'
and peepin' On apple trees while they sleepin'
and keep your hands off my stocking. Don't you sass at me.
I split your ass in half, like I did the Red Sea.
You ain't a saint, you a slaver, like a pharaoh in the tree.
Stop with the unpaid labor and let my people go pee.
Oh, the Lord's been good to me
Just sitting here plucking from my apple tree
Then this fat son of a bitch tried to step to me
Now he'll learn not to mess with Johnny Appleseed
Forget the camps, you're just a tramp
This tourist attracting scamp's about to get a revamp
I'm on fire, like the kerosene you enjoy smoking
You're just a big oaf, who makes choices without joking
You little myth bitch, you ain't puttin up no fight
Why're you pissed? Are those jeans pulled up too tight?
This world would be hungry without my discoveries
I'm the reason Newton found the Laws of Gravity, buddy
So much drama in the Israe-L B.C.
It's kinda hard talking directly to the G O single D.
Hand me my chisel. I got a new Commandizzle for y'all.
You think your fame is big? Compared to me, you're small
I'll beat you ten times before the bread can rise, you dummy.
And walk off into the land of my milk and honeys
Calm down there partner, you're gettin angrier than you need to be
I'm spitting out these disses like I'm spitting out appleseeds
While I'm chompin' on my sweets, making history, man
You're stompin' on your feet, chasing people off your land
You're just a lonely ballsac who's in for a shock
The only babe you get in bed, is an Egyptian in a box
You've been destroyed by Johnny, I'm leaving strong and proud!
An apple a day keeps the doctor away, noone can save you now
(Ooh an apple!)
Rap Apples (uh, battles!) of history!